"every little hurts"

I went to Tesco today
I'm not sure why, the shoppers seem rude, the assistants robotic, the row upon row of ready-meals, laden with artificiality and containing little real food, alarms me...

and I can never make the trolley go in the same direction as my feet

I think that I go to Tesco when I need to feel punished
It is my equivalent of donning a hairshirt

I bought pet food in tins and treats and chewies to tempt the dogs away from the furniture
and vegetables, cheese, organic eggs, milk, noodles and salad cream
and that was It

I did browse the berries
£2 for a pack of redcurrants!
I should coco!
Note to self, plant some fruit bushes

I observed the oranges
waxy and hard
no way, Jose
Note to self, move to Seville

I thought I'd at least find a nice, juicy red apple
silly me!

The Robot swiped my purchases and I packed them into bags
and then, at the end, she looked at me expectantly
"Is that all?"
"Yes, that's all"

I knew that she was wondering...
Where are the pizzas, the lasagnes
Why hasn't she got a frozen pie, a plastic container of mashed potatoes...
Surely she's not going to eat all that raw stuff????

"If you've forgotten anything I'll get someone to fetch it..."
She trailed off
"Nope, that's it, that's my shopping, thank you"

The woman behind me was balancing biscuits, doughnuts, strange chicken concoctions and tins..
Next to me someone has just spent £162.35 and had not a single raw ingredient that I could see, and I looked very hard...

The Tesco Website offers the following helpful advice

5 top foods for stress-busting nutrients
- Nuts and seeds
- Colourful fruit and veg
- Fish
- Wholegrain breads and cereals
- Pulses

Indeed
Not a single ready-meal amongst them
I'd add another tip for stress-busting

Don't shop at Tesco

Somehow the hairshirt felt less scratchy as I wheeled my wayward trolley back to the car